Having a Narcissistic Mother
It took me awhile to realize that she’s a narcissist. I realized this after making progress in my therapy. I love my therapist btw because she is so awesome!
I just also read an article regarding the signs of having a Narcissistic mother.
This can technically summarize what she was like, but I’ll go into detail.
Number one talked about people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) do not respect your boundaries.
"Narcissistic mothers have an exaggerated need for control and power, and they will often trample over someone’s boundaries to get what they want." - Nicole Artz LMFT
I blocked her number and in all of my social media just a couple of months ago. This was the turning point of my life. After that, everything just started to fall into place which was really refreshing.
She recently told my sister that I need to unblock her so that she can tell me something important. I was like “Well, you’re (sister) already telling me what she wants to say to me so there’s no really point.” She then proceeded into letting my sister tell me that I was acting like I’m so important.
She really couldn’t respect boundaries. She liked being in control of everything, including my stepdad back when they were still together. I could see how his eyes started to lose its light. She would go into my sister’s phone all the time. She would want to get involved in every decision we had to do in our lives. She was forcing me into working at a nursing home and when I told her I couldn’t do it anymore because I wasn’t really qualified, she started getting mad to the point that she kicked me out and yelled at how ungrateful I was. This was only one of the instances that showed her NPD. This doesn’t include the little shit that she does.
Number two talked about how she lacks empathy. My stepdad and my stepbrother could vouch for this! She knows how to switch empathy on and off. She does not give two fucks about what you’re going through because in her eyes, it’s only her. She didn’t care if my stepdad needed financial help after she drained him. She didn’t care that her daughter (lol me) is going through some mental health issues. She didn’t care enough to not hurt us physically when she was getting pissed. She didn’t care enough to not talk to my youngest sister about her identity crisis and her depression. She didn’t care enough to stop insulting my middle sister about how she looked like. She didn’t care enough to not cheat. ANYWAY she did care when her favorite child was crying over her dad because of course she wanted to make the dad look like he was the most awful human being ever. To be fair, he did cheat on her too. But her “empathy” was on only because she was able to talk about herself a lot. She also only cared when her favorite children were hungry or wanted some new clothes. Lol.
Number three talked about how she would seemingly compete with you resulting to bringing you down. She used to tell my sister “You’re too vain and flirty! You should study more!”. Mind you, my sister was doing good in school but she would get called stupid until she would show up with a certificate. She would tell me how I’m too skinny and when I lost weight she would tell me I look fat. There was no in between. She would also comment on how my boobs were small. She also didn’t like the fact I had curly hair. She has curly hair btw but she has been straightening it. She would tell me how I need to tie my hair up and not let it down because it makes my head look big. I could go on with the list but we have more to go.
"But narcissistic mothers often compete with their children, particularly with daughters. They may resent their youth, beauty, and success. As a result, they might either criticize their children for being “too vain” or “stupid” or “selfish.” Or, they might try to sabotage them in some way." - Nicole Artz LMFT
Number four talked about how she would gaslight us. She does. When I got fed up about how she would constantly talk about my weight, I broke down in front of her but she twisted it around and say that it was a joke. Couple of days later, she still did the same thing. She also told me that I should be grateful of how she got me a job at a nursing home and how I was able to afford my phone. I had a stable part-time job at Costco before anything. I was good with my money and was able to saved a lot before I even got the job. If I wanted to, I could’ve bought the phone earlier but I always wanted to keep a lot of money “in case I get kicked out” (which happened eventually). She tells me whenever we would have arguments, even when I decide to speak calmly, that I’m wrong or that she forgives me for being wrong. How tf–. Anyway!!!
Number five talked about how she would only treat us nice in public. OH YEAH! SHE WOULD POST US LIKE WE NEVER FOUGHT. She would say nice things about us because her friends are watching and reacting, but we would never hear that shit in real life. That’s also one of the reasons why I blocked her.
Number six talked about how she often presents herself as the victim. Before my stepdad got to know me, he would always side with her but after some time he realized what was going on and so after sometime she started antagonizing him too because she was having a hard time controlling him. She would always talk bad about us to other people. One specific example was how she texted my current boyfriend about how “I’m not the person he thinks I am” pulling the same shit that she did with my ex boyfriends just because I blocked her. My boyfriend knows me very well and we have a really different connection so he knows what’s up. She texted him acting like she’s the victim in english so he would understand but added texts in Bicol (our dialect in the Philippines) telling me bad things. She later unsent it. Lol. We both were able to read it anyway so too late.
Number seven talked about how she takes advantages of others. Yup let me list: my stepdad, the other guy that liked her that took care of her daughter for her, the guy that we moved into with after she left my stepdad (she hates him btw but she knows he likes her so much and that he would do anything she’d ask him to do like get groceries and stuff. She treated him like shit but he was also a pervert to her. Oh and she has a boyfriend btw at this time), and many more. I’m tired of this.
"Often, they pick friends based on what those friends can potentially offer rather than by how those friendships feel." -Nicole Artz LMFT
This is why after blocking her and removing her from my life, it felt so much better! I tried everything for it to be better but at the end of the day you really can’t change someone. The more you try, the more it’ll drain you. It’s a generational trauma thing. I can’t fully blame her because that’s how my grandma is and add the stress that she had to deal with living with my grandpa and the choices she made back then while she was growing up. However, it is also your choice if you want to break that cycle. So for me, I do. I don’t want my kids to go through the same thing as we did.
I realized that our relationship was taking a toll on my mental health and mental health is really not something she cares about. I decided to get help despite being told by her to not get help because she made me believe that it’s going to affect me getting a job, but it’s really not true especially with HIPAA involved.
So this another deep #RealShit post. Thanks for reading!
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